Ten and a half weeks. I've been living in Warsaw for 10.5 weeks. The last time I came to Poland, after this many weeks into my trip, I was already beginning to look towards heading home because that was the plan: three months in Opole. This time, to be honest, there is no plan. It seems that almost every time I meet someone new, two questions are asked- 1.So, what brings you all the way to Poland? 2. And how long will you be here? I stumble and stutter through both answers..."ummm...ask God and let me know what He has to say about it? K, thanks." Please, don't misinterpret here. I absolutely love Poland...like, a lot. I am here because God has lead me here through so many little and big steps in my life since I was very young. I feel incredibly blessed to be here and each day is an amusing new adventure of life in foreign country and I am always getting excited to see what will happen next.
All that being said, recently, I have so keenly felt the sting of being here and not "there" (home, New Jersey, with family)...It's normal and expected- this sort of emotional crash as life hurtles on around the globe and I from such a far distance try to keep pace with the people and places I love and long for. "Can't I just come home for the weekend?" has become a regular question the past few weeks. Why is it that I suddenly remember just how much fun weekends with family, trips to nyc, afternoons at the beach, Saturdays exploring New Jersey's small towns are all my favorite things and are all so much fun and are all so inaccessible to me right now? And why is it that each week (each day sometimes) still feels so overwhelming and full and why is my mind spinning between excitement, confusion, exhaustion and a steady hope and peace? Hope? Peace? Yes, you read that correctly. Despite the fact that the struggle of distances has felt so real the past few weeks, the complete assurance, peace and calmness of God has been daily sweeping over my soul as He pours His grace on my life and whispers (okay-shouts most of the time because I am one anxious individual) "hang on, I am here, I am good, I am working and I am still God." Nope, I cannot explain it to you in words adequate enough. I am so tired, but so confident in the knowledge that God has me exactly where He has planned for me to be right now and this is the one main truth anchoring my heart and head these days. So, no matter how much life daily feels like "swimming through mud" (thanks Dad, for the perfect description of life in a foreign land), I am also the constantly amazed one watching as life progresses and God weaves a story for His purpose and gives me the best existence I could possibly be living...even when it takes an hour on public transit to get somewhere that would take 15 minutes by car (but, seriously, Warsaw, get it together, okay?).
Oh, sorry, did I hear you ask what are some specific ways God is pouring His grace out daily into my life? Allow me to elaborate. Honestly, it is difficult to be specific because there are just so many small (and sometimes really big) blessings unwrapped each day. Encouragement from Ann Voskamp's blog (
aholyexperience.com), listening to my favorite Jersey Christian radio station via the internet (which always seems to play exactly the right songs at exactly the right moments), getting to know a few kind and helpful souls in Warsaw who have not only been to New Jersey, but also don't mind listening to me ramble about it, constant caring words from my parents and a few good friends at home, huge smiles and strong hugs from my little students at work are a few examples, but there are also just so many little happenings each day where God reminds me that He is in this and He is guiding; but I have to hang on and patiently wait through the struggles and let the joy-filled moments win over the horribly exhausting and overwhelming moments. I have been learning that Saturday mornings are perfect for breakfast with an episode of Adventures in Odyssey playing, reading through whichever book I am in and then quietly soaking in God's Word to refuel my soul for the coming week. In the Scriptures, I have been reading and re-reading James, Ephesians and Proverbs- comforting words that scream God's love and offer practical ways to live for Jesus in a broken and evil world (or just survive the day without making too many mistakes or offenses).
I guess what I am trying to say here is that I am learning that living out the first parts of the dream God placed in my heart around age ten is definitely incredibly joy-filled, peaceful and exciting, but also tremendously trying, scary, overwhelming, and arduous. The good news? The foundation of hope and the blood of Christ washed over my life and the strength God provides wins out over, above and through the daily struggles, pains and confusing moments. Hope always wins in the end because Jesus has already conquered this life and the one to come. Knowing that God is the Navigator for each and every day is the greatest gift and this is why I am here and why I am in for the duration-however long He sees fit.
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| No, not every street in Warsaw looks like this-but the ones that do? Beautiful and surreal. |
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| (Ummm...in case anyone was worried, I finally found Haagen Daz) |
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| I didn't take the time to find out who this statue is representing, but the fence was really impressive! |
