A Chapter on Faithfulness

    “And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6) In the space of a few days, this verse showed up in my life over and over and since that time a couple weeks ago or so (I’m not currently able to track time very well…), it has become more and more an anchor for my soul. As the world around me splits and bleeds and yells and screams and my own personal circumstances begin slowly to transition yet again, the Lord’s promise that He is not finished with me, my soul or this whole world is a sure truth I am enormously grateful to cling to and proclaim. The faithfulness of God in my life is a reality that I feel I am only even beginning to understand as God so gently and patiently leads me along and molds me like the needy lump of clay that I am- precious in His eyes, but an ongoing project of redemption for sure.
     
     This past year of my life, I have lived and worked and hoped and dreamed in a city that is unlike any other in a country that has become very dear to my heart over the past four years of my spending time living in three different Polish cities. Yea, conversation can be a bit overwhelming when I try to explain that this is my third time actually living in Poland, but my first time in Katowice and how I kinda sorta know some of the language, but not actually enough to hold a lively conversation with anyone; but gosh, if you have any of the typical needs of that of a preschool aged child- I am here for you. This past year, starting in roughly June of 2015, has been extremely, well, stressful, unexpected, challenging, full of opportunities for growth, bravery, discovery and wonder and the Lord has shown brightly His grace and providence for my soul through it all. I cannot say that I have trusted Him every moment or waited in patience at each decision point, but I can say He has been faithful and He has been my Guide through both the times of struggle and the times of overwhelming joy and yes, also the times of crazy adventure that seem to be ever knocking on the door of a life in Poland. This is a year I think I will look back on with a lot of emotions, but mostly, I hope to look back with gratitude for my Savior sending me on a very difficult journey that looked completely different from my expectations, but that left lessons and changes in my heart that I hope I never abandon. I have also felt so blessed in the sheer number of opportunities I have had to hold conversations, share meals and tea and life with both old and brand new friends who have helped me in so many ways and whom I will hold close to my heart and hope to see again one day as I prepare to pack my things and move back to the States a few weeks from now.
      
     Yes, I absolutely love Poland and if God calls me back here, I will be excited about that. Over the course of this year and especially in recent experiences of being able to travel around a bit to the north of Poland, spend hours reading at the Warsaw Uprising Museum and spend an entire day grieving the loss of millions at Auschwitz and still processing all that I’ve learned from my time there, I feel that I have gained somewhat of an even better understanding of and incredible aw and appreciation for Polish culture. This country has been to hell and back more than once and the seemingly fearless citizens just never give up, never give in, but continue pressing onward and carving out a beautiful life full of hope for the future. In some ways and in many moments, I am overwhelmed with a sense of “home” being here in this country. I don’t say that lightly because it’s a strange experience since I’m clearly not from here, but there is something about this place which connects with my soul in a very unique way. Whether I return or not is in the Lord’s hands, but I will always look at Poland with very thankful eyes.
      
     So, what’s next and why am I leaving? Well, to avoid adding more length here, the Lord has confirmed over and over again to me that one year of teaching in Katowice was actually His plan all along for me. For now, I feel a great peace in the idea of returning to spend a couple years with my family where I can have the space and time to wait on God, study further to prepare for whatever lies ahead in life, breathe, grow, pour into the lives of family members and be poured into by those around me. Jesus has been calling to my heart to view this new chapter as a time to breathe and rest and study and be still while waiting. Of course, I have dreams and hopes for what this time of waiting will lead to, but mostly, I’ll be waiting on God and waiting for His confirmation and leading. And the confidence God has given me that this decision is a step of progress and a step further in the direction He is leading my life puts all doubts to silence. I will be living in the present moment and not worrying that I don’t have a long-term plan, because I do have a long-term Savior and He has an eternal plan in His hands. My heart feels full of joy and gratefulness for this past year, for this next year and for each chapter along the way on this journey of pursuing the heart of my Savior.
     
     “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.” (Colossians 3:1-4)

Gdansk

Baltic Sea near Gdansk

The Crooked House in Sopot

Poznan

Poznan

 

 

 

Discovering spring with my students

Old Town Warsaw with visiting friends

Warszawa

Warsaw Uprising Museum

Gliwice

Katowice

My building can be seen in the left corner :)

Whirling and Twirling

 
     Things have become a bit dusty here recently....For some reason, in this season of life in Katowice, I am having a much more difficult time than I typically do molding my thoughts into written words. Maybe it's because life has felt like it's flying by since I landed, but there have been plenty of moments and days of relief from the madness and noise, so I really don't think that's it. Whatever the reason, I hope it sorts itself out over time.

     Katowice (and maybe Silesia in general) has proven to be a far different experience to my previous two stays in Poland. The history of the city is so layered, complex and frankly, challenging to grasp or fully understand. The people are far from similar to those I have met in Warsaw or Opole.
   
     There is a unique roughness here with many, many layers to comb through as I pursue an understanding of those around me. Katowice is a city on the move, evolving into something very new while also holding on very firmly to it's relatively recent history. Somedays, this city feels like it has suctioned itself tightly to its central identity and is not letting go, but other days, it feels as though the city is hurling forward, but without a clear direction or destination in mind...or maybe perhaps, some of these impressions I'm getting are actually what's happening inside my own self and so, I subconsciously have projected them onto my surroundings. In the end, it's probably a "both/and" situation.

 

     Europe and the world at large feels like it is daily groaning and stretching and whirling in turmoil and heaps and heaps of positive and negative change and I tend to internalize the groanings of my surroundings and it becomes a challenge to sort out what is truth inside me and what I have absorbed from my environment. I'm slowly learning the value of the weekends as then I have more time to sort through my thoughts, breathe some fresh air and enjoy the wonderful company of new friends who help me get out of my own head for a while.

     Each week, I struggle with focusing on my purpose for each day, for this chapter of life in Silesia as my mind wanders and worries over where I'm meant to be in the next chapter. I'm trying to embrace each day as it comes and make notes to keep my mind and heart clearly seeing what exactly I should be seeking to achieve or grow in right now. I want fully to embrace this moment in my life and both contribute and gain all that I can from it. I think I've finally learnt that expectations can be so very dangerous, as nearly nothing is what I thought it would be. But indeed, that isn't necessarily a bad thing as there have been so many fantastic surprises that I never would have assumed I'd be gifted here even amidst the more challenging aspects of current life. For this, I will be forever grateful.

      As ever, what keeps me grounded and moving forward is the firm foundation I'm building my life on. No matter how challenging a day or week may be, I know the One who has called me to be here for this time and I know He is working purposes beyond what I can see.