A Chapter on Faithfulness

    “And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6) In the space of a few days, this verse showed up in my life over and over and since that time a couple weeks ago or so (I’m not currently able to track time very well…), it has become more and more an anchor for my soul. As the world around me splits and bleeds and yells and screams and my own personal circumstances begin slowly to transition yet again, the Lord’s promise that He is not finished with me, my soul or this whole world is a sure truth I am enormously grateful to cling to and proclaim. The faithfulness of God in my life is a reality that I feel I am only even beginning to understand as God so gently and patiently leads me along and molds me like the needy lump of clay that I am- precious in His eyes, but an ongoing project of redemption for sure.
     
     This past year of my life, I have lived and worked and hoped and dreamed in a city that is unlike any other in a country that has become very dear to my heart over the past four years of my spending time living in three different Polish cities. Yea, conversation can be a bit overwhelming when I try to explain that this is my third time actually living in Poland, but my first time in Katowice and how I kinda sorta know some of the language, but not actually enough to hold a lively conversation with anyone; but gosh, if you have any of the typical needs of that of a preschool aged child- I am here for you. This past year, starting in roughly June of 2015, has been extremely, well, stressful, unexpected, challenging, full of opportunities for growth, bravery, discovery and wonder and the Lord has shown brightly His grace and providence for my soul through it all. I cannot say that I have trusted Him every moment or waited in patience at each decision point, but I can say He has been faithful and He has been my Guide through both the times of struggle and the times of overwhelming joy and yes, also the times of crazy adventure that seem to be ever knocking on the door of a life in Poland. This is a year I think I will look back on with a lot of emotions, but mostly, I hope to look back with gratitude for my Savior sending me on a very difficult journey that looked completely different from my expectations, but that left lessons and changes in my heart that I hope I never abandon. I have also felt so blessed in the sheer number of opportunities I have had to hold conversations, share meals and tea and life with both old and brand new friends who have helped me in so many ways and whom I will hold close to my heart and hope to see again one day as I prepare to pack my things and move back to the States a few weeks from now.
      
     Yes, I absolutely love Poland and if God calls me back here, I will be excited about that. Over the course of this year and especially in recent experiences of being able to travel around a bit to the north of Poland, spend hours reading at the Warsaw Uprising Museum and spend an entire day grieving the loss of millions at Auschwitz and still processing all that I’ve learned from my time there, I feel that I have gained somewhat of an even better understanding of and incredible aw and appreciation for Polish culture. This country has been to hell and back more than once and the seemingly fearless citizens just never give up, never give in, but continue pressing onward and carving out a beautiful life full of hope for the future. In some ways and in many moments, I am overwhelmed with a sense of “home” being here in this country. I don’t say that lightly because it’s a strange experience since I’m clearly not from here, but there is something about this place which connects with my soul in a very unique way. Whether I return or not is in the Lord’s hands, but I will always look at Poland with very thankful eyes.
      
     So, what’s next and why am I leaving? Well, to avoid adding more length here, the Lord has confirmed over and over again to me that one year of teaching in Katowice was actually His plan all along for me. For now, I feel a great peace in the idea of returning to spend a couple years with my family where I can have the space and time to wait on God, study further to prepare for whatever lies ahead in life, breathe, grow, pour into the lives of family members and be poured into by those around me. Jesus has been calling to my heart to view this new chapter as a time to breathe and rest and study and be still while waiting. Of course, I have dreams and hopes for what this time of waiting will lead to, but mostly, I’ll be waiting on God and waiting for His confirmation and leading. And the confidence God has given me that this decision is a step of progress and a step further in the direction He is leading my life puts all doubts to silence. I will be living in the present moment and not worrying that I don’t have a long-term plan, because I do have a long-term Savior and He has an eternal plan in His hands. My heart feels full of joy and gratefulness for this past year, for this next year and for each chapter along the way on this journey of pursuing the heart of my Savior.
     
     “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.” (Colossians 3:1-4)

Gdansk

Baltic Sea near Gdansk

The Crooked House in Sopot

Poznan

Poznan

 

 

 

Discovering spring with my students

Old Town Warsaw with visiting friends

Warszawa

Warsaw Uprising Museum

Gliwice

Katowice

My building can be seen in the left corner :)

Perspectives, Plans, Pots and Pans

      Over the past several months, I've grown to love a crowded kitchen. Being somewhat of a minimalist (okay- no, I mean I *want* to be a minimalist), I tend to like clean spaces without clutter, but there is just something about a moderately cluttered kitchen that calls out "a life is being lived here!" Also, over the course of my current year teaching in southern Poland, I've had to grow and stretch towards a better understanding of making anyplace I'm in my actual home for however long I'm there. I used to be such an unsettled nomad, but these days, I treat anywhere as home, even if it's just for a couple weeks of classes in Warsaw or even just a quick weekend away from Katowice. 

     A good friend recently pointed out to me that who we are as individuals is actually whoever the person we are right now in this moment is. I may not completely agree with this line of thinking in that I do think each individual is born with (albeit ever shifting/growing) unique personality. We each come from a unique set of circumstances, our very own set of DNA, and even a slightly different family history from our siblings due to the fact that we aren't born at the same time as them (okay, I guess with twins this point may be a bit shaky). Anyway, while we are all composed of many parts which make up the individual "you", I think there is something to be said for realizing that each moment you are making choices (whether consciously or accidentally) about who it is that you are and who it is that you're becoming. Each moment, I can have some will power over my mood, my opinion, my thoughts and actions. My personal history matters a whole lot to me, but that doesn't mean I must live defined by it. In reality, as a Christian, I find the Lord guiding me to be ever more and more defined by who He has called me to be and by His story over my life as He pursues me and I pursue Him. 

     I know, I know, what does this all have to do with a messy kitchen? I think my point is that I'm not waiting around for the circumstances of my life to fall into place in the exact why I assumed or dreamed they would as a child or even more so, as a teenager and during my college years. God has been teaching my anxious spirit and strong-willed determination so much about how He actually has called me to follow His plan. Plan A fell out the window a long time ago and over the past year, God has showed me that Plan B has to go as well. It's His plan that He intends to guide me through in this life and I am very, very, veryyyy slowly taking steps to trust Him not to leave me alone in this. It's scary, it's adventurous, it might get dangerous, but wasn't that what the life of Christ was as He lived as an example for the rest of us? I am no longer waiting for tomorrow to bring that picture perfect life. My kitchen may be tiny, but I've thrown some photos on the fridge, containers on the counter, confetti on the window sill (someone sent some in a Christmas card this year, so why waste that?!?), Bible verses on a clipboard, goals on the wall and literally anything that tells me "You are home right now, every second that you walk with Christ, no matter what circumstances may look like and no matter whether your choices make sense to anyone else." God's got this, so please, someone remind me on those days I forget who He is.