Thoughts For The Road

It's like a brand new page in the book of my life is slowly unwrapping itself and it's turning out to be a pretty neat gift so far. One year back in the States and what is life looking like? A lot of change, changing, so much change. Less rush, more rhythm. Less clutter, more freedom. Less screens, more trees. Less criticizing, more connecting. Less worry, more anticipation. Less stress....uhhh...well, I'm working on it!

Where did it all begin though? Without going back too far, in some ways, it began with that friend who when I asked for a drink of water at his flat, replied "Of course! Let me wash the cup for you." The cup...one. Wow. What a concept. How much do we really need when there's a whole grand, beautiful, messy life to be lived?
It also started when droves of battered, bruised and dying citizens of earth began risking their and their families' lives in desperate measures to reach free lands while many of those long-residing in freedom shouted hatred and rejection and my stomach turned and my heart ached in good guilt and passionate longing to welcome those on the outside with open arms.
It also started with discovering that blog called Becoming Minimalist and feeling a calling to examine and realign my priorities with who I am called to be.
And most of all, it started with a fresh, deepening, ever growing understanding of the very cost my Savior paid with His blood to rescue this Spiritually war-wearied wretch and what the weight of that eternal grace now demands of my one earthly life, my one accountable, measurable earthly life which must, must increasingly be focused on growing the eternal Kingdom of the Lamb, that Passover Lamb who created all beings and beckons us to draw near under His safe and loving wings.
What will tomorrow look like? Only the Lord knows, but I am so excited to be a part of this adventure.

    “And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6) In the space of a few days, this verse showed up in my life over and over and since that time a couple weeks ago or so (I’m not currently able to track time very well…), it has become more and more an anchor for my soul. As the world around me splits and bleeds and yells and screams and my own personal circumstances begin slowly to transition yet again, the Lord’s promise that He is not finished with me, my soul or this whole world is a sure truth I am enormously grateful to cling to and proclaim. The faithfulness of God in my life is a reality that I feel I am only even beginning to understand as God so gently and patiently leads me along and molds me like the needy lump of clay that I am- precious in His eyes, but an ongoing project of redemption for sure.

   This past year of my life, I have lived and worked and hoped and dreamed in a city that is unlike any other in a country that has become very dear to my heart over the past four years of my spending time living in three different Polish cities. Yea, conversation can be a bit overwhelming when I try to explain that this is my third time actually living in Poland, but my first time in Katowice and how I kinda sorta know some of the language, but not actually enough to hold a lively conversation with anyone; but gosh, if you have any of the typical needs of that of a preschool aged child- I am here for you. This past year, starting in roughly June of 2015, has been extremely, well, stressful, unexpected, challenging, full of opportunities for growth, bravery, discovery and wonder and the Lord has shown brightly His grace and providence for my soul through it all. I cannot say that I have trusted Him every moment or waited in patience at each decision point, but I can say He has been faithful and He has been my Guide through both the times of struggle and the times of overwhelming joy and yes, also the times of crazy adventure that seem to be ever knocking on the door of a life in Poland. This is a year I think I will look back on with a lot of emotions, but mostly, I hope to look back with gratitude for my Savior sending me on a very difficult journey that looked completely different from my expectations, but that left lessons and changes in my heart that I hope I never abandon. I have also felt so blessed in the sheer number of opportunities I have had to hold conversations, share meals and tea and life with both old and brand new friends who have helped me in so many ways and whom I will hold close to my heart and hope to see again one day as I prepare to pack my things and move back to the States a few weeks from now.

     Yes, I absolutely love Poland and if God calls me back here, I will be excited about that. Over the course of this year and especially in recent experiences of being able to travel around a bit to the north of Poland, spend hours reading at the Warsaw Uprising Museum and spend an entire day grieving the loss of millions at Auschwitz and still processing all that I’ve learned from my time there, I feel that I have gained somewhat of an even better understanding of and incredible aw and appreciation for Polish culture. This country has been to hell and back more than once and the seemingly fearless citizens just never give up, never give in, but continue pressing onward and carving out a beautiful life full of hope for the future. In some ways and in many moments, I am overwhelmed with a sense of “home” being here in this country. I don’t say that lightly because it’s a strange experience since I’m clearly not from here, but there is something about this place which connects with my soul in a very unique way. Whether I return or not is in the Lord’s hands, but I will always look at Poland with very thankful eyes.

     So, what’s next and why am I leaving? Well, to avoid adding more length here, the Lord has confirmed over and over again to me that one year of teaching in Katowice was actually His plan all along for me. For now, I feel a great peace in the idea of returning to spend a couple years with my family where I can have the space and time to wait on God, study further to prepare for whatever lies ahead in life, breathe, grow, pour into the lives of family members and be poured into by those around me. Jesus has been calling to my heart to view this new chapter as a time to breathe and rest and study and be still while waiting. Of course, I have dreams and hopes for what this time of waiting will lead to, but mostly, I’ll be waiting on God and waiting for His confirmation and leading. And the confidence God has given me that this decision is a step of progress and a step further in the direction He is leading my life puts all doubts to silence. I will be living in the present moment and not worrying that I don’t have a long-term plan, because I do have a long-term Savior and He has an eternal plan in His hands. My heart feels full of joy and gratefulness for this past year, for this next year and for each chapter along the way on this journey of pursuing the heart of my Savior.

   “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.” (Colossians 3:1-4)