Right on Time

     Ah, summertime. This magical time of year that we all wait so anxiously for the whole rest of the year, only to watch it again slip from our grasp in a rapid 8-10 weeks' time. May I be honest for a moment? I'm not that huge a fan of summer. *gasps* I know, I know...I am a Jersey Shore kid, aren't I completely obligated to love, crave and worship all things summer? My question is we are obligated by whom, exactly? Of course, I enjoy the extra sunshine, the temporarily raised temperatures and the opportunity to possibly have life feel a bit more laid back, but the thing is, though, once one is no longer on a young student's schedule, once one has a real job and an adult's load of responsibilities, what is it that is so magical about summertime? Most individuals cannot spend 40+ hours a week basking on the beach with a good book and an iced-tea in hand, so what seriously is the point of the temperature reaching degrees above 75 (Fahrenheit)? Seriously. And besides, all we in the northern hemisphere are well aware that just because the calendar says July 12th, there is no guarantee that it will be warm and sunny, no guarantee at all. If you're from New Jersey, I sincerely hope you have accepted the fact that most of summer switches between being dangerously hot and dry or not-shockingly chilly and rainy. Those few perfect days a year New Jerseyians actually do experience usually come around in October, March, or those weird Indian-summer days in the dead middle of winter. For me, this just adds more stress to the list of things I am "supposed" to be doing or the way life is "supposed to feel." No thanks, summer.

     Wow, this post is turning into a soap box rant rather quickly. Time to turn things around and get to the point. (Yes, there's a point). My view? Celebrate every single day of your life-every season, every day, all the moments, each and every moment. Stop living in a cycle of crazy-business so you no longer have to pine after those two months where "maybe things will be more relaxed." Nope. My mantra- Life is not an emergency, ever. (I'm pretty certain I've stolen this from Ann Voskamp, so credit to her.) I don't really care if it's minus 10 or plus 95, if it's rainy or sunny, if it's January or July, I'm not waiting for one time of year to come around because life is right here and right now and I might as well take charge and start living in the blessings so abundantly poured into each day. I realize that life comes in tides and schedules seem to naturally ebb and flow in and out of super busy and not-so-busy, but I refuse to regulate the rest of the year into waiting for 8-10 "magical" weeks where life is "supposed" to feel completely different and be completely exciting and relaxed. I love it all. I relax in it all. I soak in life in it all.
     All this being said, because this is the time of year when I am more easily able to take some time off, this past week I did just that. After three months submerging myself into a foreign culture where my native language is not primary, learning a new job, settling into a new apartment and attempting to get to know new people, I was exhausted mentally, psychologically and physically. Journeying on the long and often trying road of faith means over and over again coming to the near end of yourself and finding God scoop up your broken self there, dust you off, heal you and send you back on your way because He has placed you in this place for this time and this moment, even when you're coming to the point where you really don't know why anymore. As I learn to embrace this struggle and conversation with God, I slowly learn to see it as another point of grace. God is bothering to interfere with my life and change me in the inner parts...and isn't that the best grace we could dream of? And thankfully, right in the midst of the struggle, God gives those gifts of extra grace, extra blessing all to provide the refreshment and new strength so desperately needed. So what God gave me this last week was a very short break in London. A few months ago, I somewhat spontaneously booked a flight for this particular week because the prices seemed quite reasonable and I didn't want a week off to roll around only to find I had nothing planned. It wasn't a well-thought through decision and I didn't do much besides booking a flight and hotel to plan the time. I just figured that I wanted to go, so I would.
      What I didn't realize at the time was how incredibly perfect the timing would be for me to spend even just three days in a country where my own native language is primary. I always feel the need to say that I do still love Poland and I am so grateful to be here and living out this chapter in my journey, but that doesn't mean the road isn't sometimes dark and extra arduous. It is. It gets really hard. Yes, God's grace shines into the darkness, but the darkness can shout pretty loud too. Anyway, once in the midst of three days excitedly running around London, I quickly realized that it was God who had this little visit planned out. It became so clear that He knew by mid-July, this trip would be absolutely exactly what I needed to take in new breaths of grace, to remember who I am in His and really to just have a small break somewhere where I could read signs and menus and understand directions and public transit announcements. If you have traveled abroad, then I am sure you understand what an almost-inexpressible joy it is to know that you can just ask anyone for help and be basically completely sure communication will just flow. I love being surprised by God. It's amazing when I hear Him say "here you go, I planned that for you today." It happens here in Warsaw too, but I specifically noticed a few clearly planned blessings for me in London and it made the trip so much sweeter.
     The first example of these specifically planned-by-God blessings would be how I unexpectedly met three Christians on the street who happened to be from the northeast (two of whom are actually now missionaries in East London) and spent some time walking with them and sharing life a bit while they gave me directions to Buckingham Palace. It feels like such a small world when you meet a Christian from Philly on the other side of the Atlantic. Out of all those people standing in front of Westminster Abbey, why on earth did I ask those three Americans for directions? The only thing I knew beforehand was that their accents were American, but for them to be Christians and from the northeast? Yea-God moment. They even asked to pray for me before we parted. So there we were, just four goofy Americans out of place in the middle of London standing in a circle with heads bowed, talking to the Creator of the universe. Did that really happen? Yes, I'm still telling myself it did. Thank you, God, for the unifying fellowship of believers.

The second example would be how I "randomly" passed by a studio where a very talented actor from my very favorite show (Martin Freeman from Sherlock, obviously) is performing in Richard III for the summer. I had no plans or intentions ahead of time to see the play, nor did I even actually know where it was running until I walked passed the studio. I noticed there was to be a show that night. I walked in and asked if there were any tickets left ("What's that? Front row-on the stage, in the 'splash zone'?") and four hours later I experienced one of the most unique and fun nights of my life. Thank you, God, for surprise fun.
      The third and possibly most important surprise blessing happened on my last night in London. I had heard of this park called Hampstead Heath and I had thought of possibly trying to visit. Well, when I got there it was like discovering a secret spot of leftover paradise where the sun shines bright and sets slow, the wind blows strong and the world is hushed and quiet high above (and surrounded by) the bustling, noisy, city-dirtied streets of London. Walking around and finding a lonely bench on a field on a hill and sitting with a C.S.Lewis book took me straight to Narnia- to that place where Christ is so close, where He is God and I am me and all is grace and bright and clear and peaceful- a repositioning in the God-security of who I am on planet earth and in eternity's story, if you will. Thank you, God, for those moments. Thank you, God, for Your planned surprises and extra moments where You whisper (or shout), "I am here. I am for you, not against you. I want to bless you. I will keep leading you."

      And the weather in London? Occasionally sunny and warm, but mostly chilly, grey and drizzly. I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. The perfect expected London weather.
      Now back in Warsaw, I keep trying to think of how I can even sum up what that flash of three days in England meant to me. It was fast, it was random and it was mostly put together on a moment-by-moment, run from one touristy destination to the next with a vague list of what I hoped to see while there; but what was so clearly spoken into that time was that God is still leading this journey and He still has a plan for me in Poland for this chapter of life, even in the moments when I am really unsure what that plan is or how things will look even in the next week or month. He is good. He is strong. He is directing and He can be trusted.
(Below are some extra photos I took at various predictable locations around London, if you're interested.)

For those who don't know-This is a main spot where the BBC film's Sherlock

This is the actual Baker Street Underground Station which is near the real 221B Baker Street from the original Arthur Conan Doyle novels about Sherlock Holmes.

Tower Bridge

I've always wanted to see Big Ben and now I have done. Woohoo.

I particularly wanted to get in the shot the three serious looking fellows in the foreground.

The River Thames

I don't actually know what this building is, but isn't it cool?

Buckingham Palace- not too shabby.

Tower of London

Hitting The Wall (or something like that...)

     Ten and a half weeks. I've been living in Warsaw for 10.5 weeks. The last time I came to Poland, after this many weeks into my trip, I was already beginning to look towards heading home because that was the plan: three months in Opole. This time, to be honest, there is no plan. It seems that almost every time I meet someone new, two questions are asked- 1.So, what brings you all the way to Poland? 2. And how long will you be here? I stumble and stutter through both answers..."ummm...ask God and let me know what He has to say about it? K, thanks." Please, don't misinterpret here. I absolutely love Poland...like, a lot. I am here because God has lead me here through so many little and big steps in my life since I was very young. I feel incredibly blessed to be here and each day is an amusing new adventure of life in foreign country and I am always getting excited to see what will happen next.

     All that being said, recently, I have so keenly felt the sting of being here and not "there" (home, New Jersey, with family)...It's normal and expected- this sort of emotional crash as life hurtles on around the globe and I from such a far distance try to keep pace with the people and places I love and long for. "Can't I just come home for the weekend?" has become a regular question the past few weeks. Why is it that I suddenly remember just how much fun weekends with family, trips to nyc, afternoons at the beach, Saturdays exploring New Jersey's small towns are all my favorite things and are all so much fun and are all so inaccessible to me right now? And why is it that each week (each day sometimes) still feels so overwhelming and full and why is my mind spinning between excitement, confusion, exhaustion and a steady hope and peace? Hope? Peace? Yes, you read that correctly. Despite the fact that the struggle of distances has felt so real the past few weeks, the complete assurance, peace and calmness of God has been daily sweeping over my soul as He pours His grace on my life and whispers (okay-shouts most of the time because I am one anxious individual) "hang on, I am here, I am good, I am working and I am still God." Nope, I cannot explain it to you in words adequate enough. I am so tired, but so confident in the knowledge that God has me exactly where He has planned for me to be right now and this is the one main truth anchoring my heart and head these days. So, no matter how much life daily feels like "swimming through mud" (thanks Dad, for the perfect description of life in a foreign land), I am also the constantly amazed one watching as life progresses and God weaves a story for His purpose and gives me the best existence I could possibly be living...even when it takes an hour on public transit to get somewhere that would take 15 minutes by car (but, seriously, Warsaw, get it together, okay?). 
     Oh, sorry, did I hear you ask what are some specific ways God is pouring His grace out daily into my life? Allow me to elaborate. Honestly, it is difficult to be specific because there are just so many small (and sometimes really big) blessings unwrapped each day. Encouragement from Ann Voskamp's blog (aholyexperience.com), listening to my favorite Jersey Christian radio station via the internet (which always seems to play exactly the right songs at exactly the right moments), getting to know a few kind and helpful souls in Warsaw who have not only been to New Jersey, but also don't mind listening to me ramble about it, constant caring words from my parents and a few good friends at home, huge smiles and strong hugs from my little students at work are a few examples, but there are also just so many little happenings each day where God reminds me that He is in this and He is guiding; but I have to hang on and patiently wait through the struggles and let the joy-filled moments win over the horribly exhausting and overwhelming moments. I have been learning that Saturday mornings are perfect for breakfast with an episode of Adventures in Odyssey playing, reading through whichever book I am in and then quietly soaking in God's Word to refuel my soul for the coming week. In the Scriptures, I have been reading and re-reading James, Ephesians and Proverbs- comforting words that scream God's love and offer practical ways to live for Jesus in a broken and evil world (or just survive the day without making too many mistakes or offenses).
     I guess what I am trying to say here is that I am learning that living out the first parts of the dream God placed in my heart around age ten is definitely incredibly joy-filled, peaceful and exciting, but also tremendously trying, scary, overwhelming, and arduous. The good news? The foundation of hope and the blood of Christ washed over my life and the strength God provides wins out over, above and through the daily struggles, pains and confusing moments. Hope always wins in the end because Jesus has already conquered this life and the one to come. Knowing that God is the Navigator for each and every day is the greatest gift and this is why I am here and why I am in for the duration-however long He sees fit.

No, not every street in Warsaw looks like this-but the ones that do? Beautiful and surreal.

(Ummm...in case anyone was worried, I finally found Haagen Daz)

I didn't take the time to find out who this statue is representing, but the fence was really impressive!

The Next Steps in This Journey

     It's been a while. Hello. I am still here....and today, I have a story to tell you, so grab a cup of joe and take a seat. Comfortable? Good because this is a long one.
     The week after my wonderful little trip to Opole for Easter, I was still off from work here in Warsaw. Although, I was thrilled for another whole week to be free to explore and settle in more, the week actually turned out to be really difficult. The reason for this struggle seemed to be that all the mental and physical exhaustion from making this move so quickly and trying to figure everything out here decided to catch up to me all at once during this week off when I was completely alone in Warsaw without even my colleagues with which to connect. Don't get me wrong, I am not at all complaining, but it was definitely the most difficult week of my time here so far. God has been so clear all along in His guiding me here to Warsaw and I knew through this week I just needed to continue to trust Him and get through the time of adjustment. Well, as many of you know, I have also been having a challenging time finding a church to attend and during this particular week just passed Easter, I was really struggling with not really feeling connected with local believers. Since I know God has called me to Poland to minister and reach out to the people here, I knew God must have a plan for me, but I couldn't seem to make the connection. One afternoon, I had planned to go to the center of the city to do some exploring; but I was feeling very discouraged, so before I left my apartment, I prayed something desperate sounding like "God, please just do something in my time out today." While I was downtown, I was thrilled to find a British-themed pub (no, I don't drink, but have you tasted pub food?....seriously.). This did cheer me up a bit and I ordered some food to take home and enjoy, but then in my mind I said something like "Okay, God, umm, thanks, this is nice, but I guess I was hoping for something a little bigger to happen today than just finding British food." Well, as I was heading to take the subway back to my apartment, I heard Christian music playing loudly at the metro station. It is always surprising to hear Christian music playing in such a public space, so I made the decision not to be shy, but to just go up to these people and find out who they were. It turns out, they are from a fairly new local church and were doing an evangelistic outreach that day. I was so excited! I was able to introduce myself a bit and get some information on the church. God provides hope exactly when we need it. Thank you, God.
     It took a few weeks for me to make it to a service, but this morning I was able to find this church and get a little more connected. I found out that the mission of the church is to reach out to the lost in Warsaw, but specifically the homeless and hurting in this city. "Oh, what's that God? You brought me to a church that is seeking to do the exact ministries that I am most passionate about?" I don't even know how to express in words my amazement at this. God is so sovereign and so good and how can we be anything but thankful for Him? After being called into missions many years ago, I felt more and more strongly to minister to those "on the outside" or those who are abandoned and need healing both physically and spiritually in their lives. To be honest, it really brings me such great joy to work with at risk youth that it is so much fun for me to minister in this way. I have no idea how long God will have me here in Warsaw or even at this church, but I am so excited to see how God will answer my desire to do both missions and inner city work here in Poland. I don't know how long this chapter will be or even what will happen tomorrow, but I know today God gave me another (huge) glimpse into the big picture of His sovereignty over my life. Decent story, aye?

     Currently, I am reading this book called Death By Living by N.D.Wilson and it has been a great follow up to the Ravi Zacharias book I just finished (The Grand Weaver). Both books focus on viewing each life as a story woven into a larger picture designed by our Creator.
     For those of you who are praying for my time here, I would ask that you please be praying over the next month or so for my continual adjustment here. The first several weeks in a new place is such a whirlwind, but as I started explaining in the beginning of the post, recently I have started to feel a little more stress in adjusting to cultural differences and in remembering to focus on the big picture of why I am here. Please pray that God would continuously remind me to keep Christ as the one main focus in my heart and mind. Also, please be praying that I can be a patient, kind and compassionate minister to my colleagues and students as the work days can feel long and exhausting to all of us. This past week felt a bit rough as several of my colleagues were somewhat ill and the children seemed extra tired as well. Blame it on the rain, I guess.
     Anyway, if you've gotten through my ramblings up to this point and are still reading, please enjoy these two photos. I apologize for not having more photos to post, but I honestly haven't been out exploring much in the past couple weeks. Thank you to everyone who is keeping in touch with me and encouraging me on this new adventure. You are each such a blessing in my life.

Stained glass window in a bank where my students, my colleagues and I went for a field trip :)