Hitting The Wall (or something like that...)

     Ten and a half weeks. I've been living in Warsaw for 10.5 weeks. The last time I came to Poland, after this many weeks into my trip, I was already beginning to look towards heading home because that was the plan: three months in Opole. This time, to be honest, there is no plan. It seems that almost every time I meet someone new, two questions are asked- 1.So, what brings you all the way to Poland? 2. And how long will you be here? I stumble and stutter through both answers..."ummm...ask God and let me know what He has to say about it? K, thanks." Please, don't misinterpret here. I absolutely love Poland...like, a lot. I am here because God has lead me here through so many little and big steps in my life since I was very young. I feel incredibly blessed to be here and each day is an amusing new adventure of life in foreign country and I am always getting excited to see what will happen next.

     All that being said, recently, I have so keenly felt the sting of being here and not "there" (home, New Jersey, with family)...It's normal and expected- this sort of emotional crash as life hurtles on around the globe and I from such a far distance try to keep pace with the people and places I love and long for. "Can't I just come home for the weekend?" has become a regular question the past few weeks. Why is it that I suddenly remember just how much fun weekends with family, trips to nyc, afternoons at the beach, Saturdays exploring New Jersey's small towns are all my favorite things and are all so much fun and are all so inaccessible to me right now? And why is it that each week (each day sometimes) still feels so overwhelming and full and why is my mind spinning between excitement, confusion, exhaustion and a steady hope and peace? Hope? Peace? Yes, you read that correctly. Despite the fact that the struggle of distances has felt so real the past few weeks, the complete assurance, peace and calmness of God has been daily sweeping over my soul as He pours His grace on my life and whispers (okay-shouts most of the time because I am one anxious individual) "hang on, I am here, I am good, I am working and I am still God." Nope, I cannot explain it to you in words adequate enough. I am so tired, but so confident in the knowledge that God has me exactly where He has planned for me to be right now and this is the one main truth anchoring my heart and head these days. So, no matter how much life daily feels like "swimming through mud" (thanks Dad, for the perfect description of life in a foreign land), I am also the constantly amazed one watching as life progresses and God weaves a story for His purpose and gives me the best existence I could possibly be living...even when it takes an hour on public transit to get somewhere that would take 15 minutes by car (but, seriously, Warsaw, get it together, okay?). 
     Oh, sorry, did I hear you ask what are some specific ways God is pouring His grace out daily into my life? Allow me to elaborate. Honestly, it is difficult to be specific because there are just so many small (and sometimes really big) blessings unwrapped each day. Encouragement from Ann Voskamp's blog (aholyexperience.com), listening to my favorite Jersey Christian radio station via the internet (which always seems to play exactly the right songs at exactly the right moments), getting to know a few kind and helpful souls in Warsaw who have not only been to New Jersey, but also don't mind listening to me ramble about it, constant caring words from my parents and a few good friends at home, huge smiles and strong hugs from my little students at work are a few examples, but there are also just so many little happenings each day where God reminds me that He is in this and He is guiding; but I have to hang on and patiently wait through the struggles and let the joy-filled moments win over the horribly exhausting and overwhelming moments. I have been learning that Saturday mornings are perfect for breakfast with an episode of Adventures in Odyssey playing, reading through whichever book I am in and then quietly soaking in God's Word to refuel my soul for the coming week. In the Scriptures, I have been reading and re-reading James, Ephesians and Proverbs- comforting words that scream God's love and offer practical ways to live for Jesus in a broken and evil world (or just survive the day without making too many mistakes or offenses).
     I guess what I am trying to say here is that I am learning that living out the first parts of the dream God placed in my heart around age ten is definitely incredibly joy-filled, peaceful and exciting, but also tremendously trying, scary, overwhelming, and arduous. The good news? The foundation of hope and the blood of Christ washed over my life and the strength God provides wins out over, above and through the daily struggles, pains and confusing moments. Hope always wins in the end because Jesus has already conquered this life and the one to come. Knowing that God is the Navigator for each and every day is the greatest gift and this is why I am here and why I am in for the duration-however long He sees fit.

No, not every street in Warsaw looks like this-but the ones that do? Beautiful and surreal.

(Ummm...in case anyone was worried, I finally found Haagen Daz)

I didn't take the time to find out who this statue is representing, but the fence was really impressive!

The Next Steps in This Journey

     It's been a while. Hello. I am still here....and today, I have a story to tell you, so grab a cup of joe and take a seat. Comfortable? Good because this is a long one.
     The week after my wonderful little trip to Opole for Easter, I was still off from work here in Warsaw. Although, I was thrilled for another whole week to be free to explore and settle in more, the week actually turned out to be really difficult. The reason for this struggle seemed to be that all the mental and physical exhaustion from making this move so quickly and trying to figure everything out here decided to catch up to me all at once during this week off when I was completely alone in Warsaw without even my colleagues with which to connect. Don't get me wrong, I am not at all complaining, but it was definitely the most difficult week of my time here so far. God has been so clear all along in His guiding me here to Warsaw and I knew through this week I just needed to continue to trust Him and get through the time of adjustment. Well, as many of you know, I have also been having a challenging time finding a church to attend and during this particular week just passed Easter, I was really struggling with not really feeling connected with local believers. Since I know God has called me to Poland to minister and reach out to the people here, I knew God must have a plan for me, but I couldn't seem to make the connection. One afternoon, I had planned to go to the center of the city to do some exploring; but I was feeling very discouraged, so before I left my apartment, I prayed something desperate sounding like "God, please just do something in my time out today." While I was downtown, I was thrilled to find a British-themed pub (no, I don't drink, but have you tasted pub food?....seriously.). This did cheer me up a bit and I ordered some food to take home and enjoy, but then in my mind I said something like "Okay, God, umm, thanks, this is nice, but I guess I was hoping for something a little bigger to happen today than just finding British food." Well, as I was heading to take the subway back to my apartment, I heard Christian music playing loudly at the metro station. It is always surprising to hear Christian music playing in such a public space, so I made the decision not to be shy, but to just go up to these people and find out who they were. It turns out, they are from a fairly new local church and were doing an evangelistic outreach that day. I was so excited! I was able to introduce myself a bit and get some information on the church. God provides hope exactly when we need it. Thank you, God.
     It took a few weeks for me to make it to a service, but this morning I was able to find this church and get a little more connected. I found out that the mission of the church is to reach out to the lost in Warsaw, but specifically the homeless and hurting in this city. "Oh, what's that God? You brought me to a church that is seeking to do the exact ministries that I am most passionate about?" I don't even know how to express in words my amazement at this. God is so sovereign and so good and how can we be anything but thankful for Him? After being called into missions many years ago, I felt more and more strongly to minister to those "on the outside" or those who are abandoned and need healing both physically and spiritually in their lives. To be honest, it really brings me such great joy to work with at risk youth that it is so much fun for me to minister in this way. I have no idea how long God will have me here in Warsaw or even at this church, but I am so excited to see how God will answer my desire to do both missions and inner city work here in Poland. I don't know how long this chapter will be or even what will happen tomorrow, but I know today God gave me another (huge) glimpse into the big picture of His sovereignty over my life. Decent story, aye?

     Currently, I am reading this book called Death By Living by N.D.Wilson and it has been a great follow up to the Ravi Zacharias book I just finished (The Grand Weaver). Both books focus on viewing each life as a story woven into a larger picture designed by our Creator.
     For those of you who are praying for my time here, I would ask that you please be praying over the next month or so for my continual adjustment here. The first several weeks in a new place is such a whirlwind, but as I started explaining in the beginning of the post, recently I have started to feel a little more stress in adjusting to cultural differences and in remembering to focus on the big picture of why I am here. Please pray that God would continuously remind me to keep Christ as the one main focus in my heart and mind. Also, please be praying that I can be a patient, kind and compassionate minister to my colleagues and students as the work days can feel long and exhausting to all of us. This past week felt a bit rough as several of my colleagues were somewhat ill and the children seemed extra tired as well. Blame it on the rain, I guess.
     Anyway, if you've gotten through my ramblings up to this point and are still reading, please enjoy these two photos. I apologize for not having more photos to post, but I honestly haven't been out exploring much in the past couple weeks. Thank you to everyone who is keeping in touch with me and encouraging me on this new adventure. You are each such a blessing in my life.

Stained glass window in a bank where my students, my colleagues and I went for a field trip :)

Easter Holidays

    The school where I work is currently closed for a couple different spring holidays, so I am in the middle of two full weeks of time off work. This time has been exactly what I needed to begin to feel really settled in to life here in Poland and also to reconnect with close friends I met back in 2012. The first several days of my holiday were spent near and in the city of Opole in the south of Poland, where I lived my first time here. I am still so incredibly grateful to have been able to spend time with good friends and in familiar places. In a lot of ways, I felt like I was able to go "home" for Easter and it was such a blessing.
     I've decided to share my holiday time through the photographs I've captured thus far. Enjoy!
     On Easter Sunday, a good friend of mine Anna, her brother, niece and myself went for a long walk in the forest near their family's home in a small village outside of Opole.
The weather was perfect and we had so much fun!
    

Take a look at this big funky tree! How cool is this?

      On Monday, Anna and I enjoyed a slow morning, breakfast and cake with her parents and then took off for an afternoon at Moszna Castle. This was one of my favorite places I was able to visit in 2012 and so, actually getting to visit this place again was surreal and awesome and wonderful. The day was perfect to sit in the sun, read and just be still before God, so that is exactly what we did all afternoon.

Horse stables on the castle grounds.

      After a few days at Anna's house, I was able to stay in the city with another good friend of mine, Ola. Tuesday we took advantage of another beautiful day and went for a visit to the zoo. We had so much fun looking at and talking to the animals. The animals seemed to enjoy acting quite smug and aloof towards us. So basically, everyone was happy and content.

"Come at me, bro" is the only statement I have to make regarding this photo.

      The little city of Opole is absolutely lovely in every way. I just love this place and I really do feel at home here. There are so many ways to volunteer and connect with the community there. I was so excited and grateful to spend Easter morning at the local Christian church, to be a part of the Easter breakfast, and really just to say "hello" to some of my very favorite people. There are so many locals I missed seeing this time, but hopefully will see again in the future. Opole is a place I look forward to going back to as often as possible.

The best place in the city to sit inside with a good book and watch the town bustling around outside.

      On Thursday, I returned to Warsaw via a very long train ride. Don't get me wrong, I think trains are great, but seven hours on a train requires some new ideas for making the time pass. During this last ride, I decided to stick my head out the window and take a couple shots of the countryside.

      This upcoming week is still open and free before work begins again on the 5th of May. I am looking forward to hopefully getting out and exploring this city a bit more. If you are among the people praying for my time here, I do have one request for this week. I am in the process of looking for a church in Warsaw with which to connect and serve. So far, I have tried two places, but I am just praying for peace and guidance from the Holy Spirit on exactly where God has set for me to be during this time. Thank you, so very much to everyone who has been praying, emailing, texting or writing. All your support and communications make this transition time feel much more calm and peace-filled.

The Palace of Culture and Science in the center of Warsaw