Whirling and Twirling

 
     Things have become a bit dusty here recently....For some reason, in this season of life in Katowice, I am having a much more difficult time than I typically do molding my thoughts into written words. Maybe it's because life has felt like it's flying by since I landed, but there have been plenty of moments and days of relief from the madness and noise, so I really don't think that's it. Whatever the reason, I hope it sorts itself out over time.

     Katowice (and maybe Silesia in general) has proven to be a far different experience to my previous two stays in Poland. The history of the city is so layered, complex and frankly, challenging to grasp or fully understand. The people are far from similar to those I have met in Warsaw or Opole.
   
     There is a unique roughness here with many, many layers to comb through as I pursue an understanding of those around me. Katowice is a city on the move, evolving into something very new while also holding on very firmly to it's relatively recent history. Somedays, this city feels like it has suctioned itself tightly to its central identity and is not letting go, but other days, it feels as though the city is hurling forward, but without a clear direction or destination in mind...or maybe perhaps, some of these impressions I'm getting are actually what's happening inside my own self and so, I subconsciously have projected them onto my surroundings. In the end, it's probably a "both/and" situation.

 

     Europe and the world at large feels like it is daily groaning and stretching and whirling in turmoil and heaps and heaps of positive and negative change and I tend to internalize the groanings of my surroundings and it becomes a challenge to sort out what is truth inside me and what I have absorbed from my environment. I'm slowly learning the value of the weekends as then I have more time to sort through my thoughts, breathe some fresh air and enjoy the wonderful company of new friends who help me get out of my own head for a while.

     Each week, I struggle with focusing on my purpose for each day, for this chapter of life in Silesia as my mind wanders and worries over where I'm meant to be in the next chapter. I'm trying to embrace each day as it comes and make notes to keep my mind and heart clearly seeing what exactly I should be seeking to achieve or grow in right now. I want fully to embrace this moment in my life and both contribute and gain all that I can from it. I think I've finally learnt that expectations can be so very dangerous, as nearly nothing is what I thought it would be. But indeed, that isn't necessarily a bad thing as there have been so many fantastic surprises that I never would have assumed I'd be gifted here even amidst the more challenging aspects of current life. For this, I will be forever grateful.

      As ever, what keeps me grounded and moving forward is the firm foundation I'm building my life on. No matter how challenging a day or week may be, I know the One who has called me to be here for this time and I know He is working purposes beyond what I can see.

Settling in Without Settling

Spodek in Katowice

     In the words of Lemony Snicket, “the world is quiet here.” And no, I certainly do not mean to say that life is quiet here in the bustling city of Katowice, because it doesn’t seem to be for even one single moment of any given day. Whether it’s the lively voices of my students laughing with one another over some childhood play, or their screaming exclamations as they discover yet another snail or slug on the side of the road on the way to the park, or the continuous Monday through Saturday sounds outside my flat windows of unnecessarily loud construction, unexpected parades, rollerbladers, sirens, trams or just really, really drunken individuals shouting on the streets at roughly 4am, my physical world has yet to still or find silence. 

     What is slowly finding peace and quiet is the noise in my soul. Not to be obvious or cliché, but moving across the ocean is really rather a big deal. Relocating to a new city with a new job and brand new human relations is overwhelming and exhausting in a very specific way. Even though this is my third time coming to Poland, and I was able to anticipate several of the proverbial mountains I would need to climb upon arrival, the process still caught me by surprise in many unexpected ways and perhaps not surprisingly, threw my inner rhythm off almost completely. This is evidenced to me even by the fact that for weeks I have been searching for the words to write here and have not been able to organize or sort through my thoughts enough to do so until this weekend. From the moment the flight touched down, life was off and running and I’ve been running right after it in a feeble attempt to keep up with all these new realities. 

     In the first week or so of my time here in Katowice, I came very close to wanting to book a one-way flight straight back to home and predictability in the Northeast. Times were rough and circumstances were not falling into place the way I felt I needed them to. From finding a flat to understanding the system of life in Silesia, I honestly was beginning to question if God really had a good enough reason for sending me here. Now, seven and half weeks later, I can finally say that I am so thrilled, thankful and confident about continuing on here. I could fill this space with boring details, but I think it’s adequate to say that if God calls you to a place for a new chapter in life, you can 100% trust that He will knock down any walls the enemy attempts to construct and will show you His mighty hand if you’ll only give the craziness of life over to the One who knows all, sees the big picture and can and will grant grace in the midst of all the difficulties. 

      Besides all of that, I have already had the opportunity to do so much exploring this summer. From visiting Krakow to climbing a mountain to riding a cable car overtop a  lovely park to visiting Ostrava, Czech, all the stress and feelings of being overwhelmed have been speckled with plenty of fun. And fun is good, right? Yea, of course, but what has actually been the biggest motivation that’s kept me from fleeing or giving up here in Katowice is the beautiful human souls with whom I have been able to begin sharing life a bit. Whether it’s my young students with whom I spend most of my week or new friends and relations in other settings, I have already heard so many stories, shared so many laughs and engaged in so many discussions on life in this world-gone-wrong and what things we can do to try and help be a force of positive change in our little corner of the world for the time that we’re here. I am so thankful for the people I have met and the ways in which they’ve been inspiring, challenging and encouraging to me here. There are days where I feel I am slowly opening the best gift ever as I share life with brilliant souls who hold common goals with me of trying to instill in the next generation an entirely different and more wonderful way to live life.

      I still haven’t quite been able to find a specific, nicely worded reason for why I 

am here in this slightly strange city of Katowice, but I am not sure that we really always get to know the reasons for God’s callings. There are still several days any given week when I wonder why on earth I am here in this place or how my time here could possibly be of any help to anyone, but maybe it’s not so bad not knowing. The changes I am interested in being a part of in life don’t ultimately have anything to do with me, but with other souls who are searching for hope and Light in this dark place. I know the One who holds the power to work through me in His own ways and timing to work real and lasting change in the world and I’m slowly learning that my job is continuously to pursue my relationship with Christ and allow His grace to grow me while He does through me what He has planned for my life.

 Balcony on Wawel Castle, Krakow

Park in Ktw

    

Hiking a mountain outside Bielsko-Biala

Ostrava

Main Square, Ostrava

Sometimes my friends and I wear the same clothes without planning...

An Embassy and a Garden

     Yesterday, my mom and I journeyed over to the city to submit my application at the Polish embassy for permission to work and live in Katowice. I think it was a healthy, but mini-reintroduction to the language and culture for me. As we stepped through the heavy wooden side door, it was almost like walking into Poland itself and without even having to go through the arduous task of flying, so that was quite magical! I'm so excited that God seems to be so smoothly paving the way for me to spend a bit more of my life in Poland. In a way, it really has begun to feel more like home than where I am actually from (except, of course, that being with my family will always feel like home). I am thrilled to see who God has for me to meet, get to know and serve while teaching in Katowice. Another chapter is slowly being written and it's brilliant.
    
     After getting through the paperwork portion of the day, we walked to the Lower West Side for some belated Mother's Day celebrations. Mainly, we were looking to walk on the High Line, but we also ended up enjoying a few other great places that Chelsea has to offer. In case you're reading this and haven't previously heard of it, The High Line is a disused rail line above the streets for several blocks of the Lower West Side. Rather than tear it down, it has been turned into a public garden with a mixture of wild plants, trees, flowers, and artwork on display. It's lovely and if you've never been, you really should check it out. (I definitely recommend doing so on a weekday in the spring as weekends are wall-to-wall people and the plants are hard to see...)
     I think, though, my favorite part of  walking along through the garden was actually the fact that almost everyone up there seemed not to be from New York City. In fact, they seemed to be from all over the county and even the world. The cultural-obsessed geek inside of me was thrilled to pick out all the different languages as people passed and to have groups of friends and families asking me to take their picture together (which is one of my very favorite things to do for tourists). All these humans who had come to visit the city (including myself) seemed fascinated with this garden. I don't think it's that it's particularly impressive or gorgeous, because honestly, it's not. No, I think it is more so that it is a wonder to behold because of where it lives. Trees and wild plants and bushes aren't usually the scene most tourist come to New York to see, but the irony of this sprawling mile and a half garden growing right above and in between the dense concrete, brick, and glass all smashed together in typical New York fashion stirs up a real sense of wonder and awe in the very being of the human soul. It is as if we are up above the streets searching for beauty amongst the harshness of life. The more I thought about it afterwords, the more I realized how similar the experience was to the Christian life. We live in a broken, hard, aching and suffering world and because of this, most humans spend their lives searching for hope amidst the hurt and confusion. As Christians, we are called to be a resting place, a soft landing and at the same time a leading place where searching humans are pointed straight to the true Hope and Light of the world, Jesus Christ our Creator and Savior. I know that I myself fall short of this calling in life often, but that just proves to me so much more how Christ is the one who creates the beauty, heals the broken, and softens the hard. I'm so thankful He's invited me along to see His handiwork both in nature and even more so in His Kingdom work.